Surah Ar-Rahman And some of my thoughts

Listening to Surah Ar-Rahman my foolish thoughts started flow like gushes of water. thought to jot down some of it.

I read, I try to see, try to connect with you. You have asked so many times in so many ways to acknowledge your favors, to be thankful to you. In a series of ayats, in Ar-Rahman, you keep mentioning the bounty of nature you have on me, keeping me reminded to be grateful to you for the clouds to mountains, to put in my mind for being thoughtful to see how you keep that flying bird still in the sky. But I am indeed, a shallow hearted person, who cannot realize the abundance in the nature, who does not show care for the effects on me, if no sun or moons move in their own orbits. I am, who cannot think what good will brings to me if the two different seas that flows side by side. I do not deny the world and the outer world happenings. I just cannot realize the favors you have done in the world around me. I only know how I see your clouds making shapes; I only get amazed to see how beautifully you have created the wings of a butterfly, with splashing colors. I only see how these mountains standing strong and tall. And I surely know I have a lesson in it.

I just cannot realize due to my lacking, of all the favors you are mentioning in Surah Ar-Rahman, but I I am not in a position to deny any of the favors you have on me. How can I deny the favors you are constantly covering me with? How can I deny how you save me from misfortunes and enmity? How can i deny that you keep me safe,as you said “O you who believe! Remember the Favour of allah unto you when some people desired (made a plan) to stretch out their hands against you, but (allah) held back their hands from you. So fear allah. And in allah let the believers put their trust”. i may not have a strong belief as someone of your beloved, but i do put my shattered  trust on you.

 How can I deny that you keep my precious family and me in good health? Giving me strength in my mind reminding me your ayat from the Holly Quran. How can I deny how you give me hope, not to be disheartened in times of pain? I cannot deny how I always lost my way and you are just there to find me to bring back to you.

How can I deny that I am alive here for my family while part of me is gone with my deceased parents? I am thankful but I can never fully appreciate your favors upon me. I am just a little helpless creature like others who looks upon your mercy like a sunflower looking toward the sun. I cannot fully apprehend your grace, and kindness toward me. I am blind but still see the sunlight through the cloud. It touches my heart and tears it apart.

O Allah! i do not deny any of the favors upon me, the visible and unseen ones. 

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